So in short, it doesn’t offer a proper simulation nor does it bring all the fun of a parody and that leaves Goat Simulator somewhere in the middle, making it a messy, boring, terrible, awful “game”.If we expect gaming to grow into its own as a medium to stand among literature, film and music in terms of cultural relevance, we can’t dismiss any work’s artistic merits. They even left a shed load of bugs in because that’ll add funnies won’t it? No, no it bloody well won’t after the tenth time of falling through the areas into nothingness. It’s hard to judge a game like Goat Simulator which was seemingly made solely for a laugh, yet misses the mark on being entertaining or actually making me chuckle. Other than that though I can’t tell you it offers anything else at all except for quite a lot of remarkably easy achievements to boost your gamerscore.
The developers did add a few easter eggs to find, with the standouts being a few guys dressed in green in the sewers like a Ninja Turtles tribute act and a small, hard to see screen with a Flappy Goat mini game on. I’d have probably appreciated them more if I there was any real substance in the heart of Goat Simulator. You can make the goat taller, be the queen of the goats to summon other less important goats from the sky or simply be able to spin like a mini goat tornado. Granted, I’ll admit that seeing a goat flying aimlessly when the jetpack kicked in made me raise a flicker of a smile but just like the rest of the mutators, they are silly extras that add nothing except randomness to proceedings. Were these mutators the key to having fun?
As a result of collecting these trophies it would often unlock a new mutator to add another layer to your goat. Neither of the areas are all that big, meaning most of the collectables are found after a general sweep and the final few take a bit more in-depth searching. None of the game is aesthetically pleasing on the eye and sadly, that includes these areas which are graphically outdated. There are two areas to choose from, Goatville and Goat City Bay – one is similar to a quiet village and the other, a larger city surrounded by water aplenty. Thus meaning after no time at all I had one option left for any hope of finding a saving grace exploration and more importantly finding the collectables. Do a manual, do a backflip, jump higher these are just a few of the things it told me to do and I obliged… for about two minutes until I was bored.
Just having an indestructible goat that can create havoc without a care in the world really isn’t enough and so I took a look at the optional quests. Scoring points seems the most logical objective to attempt but after my first chain of points were cashed in I lost interest in going for any more. Even giant boulders that seem to massively outweigh the goat are easily moved by it. Every bit of damage you do in an area adds to an overall score and linking damage together makes for more points it has been likened to a Tony Hawk game in that sense, which I suppose it is except with no skateboard or tricks of any worth. It can headbutt and lick anything in sight that isn’t nailed down and from there can drag items around. Not an ordinary one though as this is one tough animal and the main aim is to cause chaos everywhere it goes. Believe me, that takes some doing when I’ve played the Hannah Montana game, but I guess I should tell you all about Goat Simulator to help formulate your own idea of what it is. In doing so it’s actually managed to outdo (in a bad way) all the video games that I rank lowest in all my years of gaming. Let me make myself clear, I know it isn’t supposed to be accurate, instead it’s aimed at making a mockery of the usually god awful simulation games, the likes of Farming Simulator for example.
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